January is the Monday of the Year

I remember seeing that on Twitter at some point and finding it funny because it’s true. I always find January a particularly tough time with my brain. It feels like starting over to me. Like everything seems scary and bleak. I have no idea why this is the case, it’s not at all. I have some excellent things to look forward to and some brilliant people in my life. Just can never shift the gloom I feel around the particular month.

Recently my own mental health and generally the topic of mental health has been at the forefront of my mind. My little side project with my friend Adam, our podcast This Little Island, last month discussed mental health in the UK and I’m a huge advocate of talking about these things.

So, here it goes. I have depression. I have a clinical diagnosis as such, and although not currently on any medication, in the past I have been, and I have also undergone counselling. I’ve been at incredibly low places where I’d not seen a way out. I’ve also, very recently, battled against my brain which tells me that although things are good right now, this can only mean that terrible things are coming because apparently that’s how life works. The good and the bad. Too much good and expect the bad.

Ironically, my brain would never tell me that too much bad meant the good was coming. I am very good at over analysing, breaking down things into very minute details. This is useful in some scenarios but not when you’re trying to convince yourself that everything is fine and to stop worrying. For a long time my head has believed that worrying to the point of feeling unwell was all part of the preparatory process. I simply would not feel ready for something to happen had I not thought about it until I had an upset stomach or not slept for three nights.

While I know my own mental health problems are not as serious as others, by talking about them I hope it brings others forward to discuss their own experiences. I want to help smash up the taboo that exists around talking about our mental health issues.

I felt particularly low yesterday and I have no idea why. I was at work and felt like I was coping fine and hiding it well to some extent. Then at around 3pm my colleague came over to me when I was on my own and asked something very simple.

Would you like a hug?

Seems silly but it meant the absolute world, partly because she gives the best hugs you could ever imagine, but also because someone hadn’t asked me if I was alright, or ignored me or anything else. They had seen someone feeling low and knew how to fix the problem, if only for a few minutes. But that’s a few minutes I needed!

On that note, I came to work today feeling much brighter. I tend to take a day at a time and today felt much more positive. I even met some relatives visiting their family member on my own for the first time. I was incredibly nervous but they were so nice and friendly I felt very stupid for getting so worked up about it. I then had a great conversation with Laura D about it all this evening and, hugely significantly, I don’t feel alone in it all.

Importantly, here’s some links you should check out in regards to this post:

Mind

Samaritans and can be called on 116 123 from any phone

Check out This Little Island podcast on iTunes or podbean- links can be found on our twitter @tlipodcast

And most importantly, if you are suffering yourself with mental health problems then seek help. Even if you just want to have a chat, please email me or message me on my social media either @gemmanorbs or the same on Instagram

Take care everyone!

MG x

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