Forgetfulness, Feelings & Families

Turns out my brain was not prepared for work one bit on Monday morning. Getting up felt torturous, and once at work it took me a while to get back into the swing of things. Particularly notable when I stared at the intercom and couldn’t remember which order to push the buttons to answer it. There are only three buttons.

However, it soon felt like I’d not been away and the activities of the mortuary swallowed me back in. I’d been feeling very positive about my training and about getting on with learning certain aspects of the job so that was good. That also meant overcoming the fear I’ve had since I started of doing a family viewing on my own. I’d decided before I went off on leave that this was the week to do one. I know my mind, and the worst thing that can happen is to throw me in and see if I sink or swim with no warning. No, I like to panic, worry and stew over the possibility of sinking for some duration before the thing happens. So that’s what I did.

Yesterday I answered the phone to someone requesting a viewing. They were very friendly, polite and thankful for us helping them so I knew this was the one to do. I told my boss there and then- this is the one. He seemed relieved I’d finally decided I was okay to do it!

So today the time of the appointment came and although I found myself thinking of it all day (and scared Gemma decided that it was also the time to do the bins and hide a bit so then it might be forgot that I said I would do this one), I did it nonetheless. I just went and did it, and it was fine. I hope. I’m the queen of overthinking and analysing everything, but I do hope they thought I did okay and it wasn’t very obvious that I’d never done it before.

After a day of up and downs, I also managed to lock myself out of my house and had to be rescued by my Dad, I feel quite exhausted both physically and mentally. That’ll teach me for having a week off I suppose!

MG x

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