Time To Stop & Stare

As we continue into 2021, we approach now something that feels familiar, practiced almost and, still, unsettling. Things are calming down, there is a sense of being able to think outside of the here and now, yet feeling heavily the exhaustion both mental and physical. I’ve noticed I’m more able to think about things other than work, which I haven’t really done since December.

As always, I can only write from a personal perspective although I feel my thoughts echo the feelings of many frontline workers, not just mortuary staff. Coming to the end of a peak, exiting a crisis like that, feels so strange. In a dramatic way I feel like I’ve been fighting a battle where each day consisted of tactics to see us through to another day. Now that pressure is lessened, it’s an odd mix of fear and peace I’m left with. A new pressure to make the most of the more free time, of the longer days and nicer weather. A new fear of what comes next, what lies ahead in this pandemic that seems to be able to set a new precedent each time it attacks.

Outside of the dramatic, I’m just bloody tired. I think, more than the physical, I’m mentally wiped and uncomfortable in my own thoughts. While everyone is chuffed to hear that it’s calming down now when I tell them, I struggle not to suffix what I say with a pessimistic view of what lies ahead based on what has happened in the past.

What does lie ahead? Well none of us have any idea, do we? Today, the review of lockdown is due to be announced and I hope that there is an easing of restrictions which is sensible but gives us something to look forward to. I think I just long for a time when I can sit in the garden with a friend and catch up, which feels like it can’t be too far away now. The fact it looks like things may be eased is good news and I look forward to finding out, which does surprise me slightly.

One thing I am very pleased about is the vaccination programme which is very successful. The news that all adults should hope to be able to book by July fills me with hope that next winter will be somewhat an improvement on the last. I am really proud of the vaccination hub at work, the people there working tirelessly to complete thousands of vaccinations.

I don’t have too much else to say at the moment, only that I hope to be able to throw myself into another series of blog posts soon, if you have any suggestions of the things you’d like to see please do let me know. There are two things I am very content about at the moment that I will leave you with. Firstly, yummy and fancy coffees keep me going through this. I’d like to say a huge thank you to everyone who has donated to me through my Ko-Fi account. If you’d like to support me the link is here and it makes me ridiculously happy to be able to treat myself to a Costa in the morning.

Secondly, and lastly, any money I don’t spend on coffee goes towards buying tickets for online talks which fill many an evening. Recently, I have attended some brilliant paid and free zoom lectures covering subjects like poison, animal post-mortems and corvids. If you would like any recommendations of where to find any talks get in touch.

Thank you once more, for all the love and support that is sent my way. I am grateful each and every day.

MG x

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